Abe made me everything I am today. There are souls in your life that can touch you so deeply. Those souls in your life that can change your life so dramatically. I have loved so many animal souls in this lifetime, all of which have left a fingerprint on my soul. A part of their identity mingled with mine. Abe left a much larger imprint on me.
That is not to take away from the many others that I have loved so much. They are all gone now. Abe had so many to greet him on the other side. There was only two left on this earth plane to wave goodbye.
Cheyenne and I were left standing in the rubble of what once was my life. We have to move forward without our boy. I don’t know quite how to do that. Our lives together started and ended with a kiss.
The first time I saw him, it was dark. My sister had invited me out to her pasture to show me her new horse. Abe reached his beautiful head across the fence and gave me a kiss. Little did I know, shortly he would be mine and our magnificent journey together would begin.
It soon became apparent that he was no ordinary horse. He was a fantastic escape artist. He could escape the pasture like no other. Abe had a wonderful sense of humor. He would steal my tools and run gleefully though the pasture hoping I would chase him. He would peek in the house windows on his late night escape runs to see what we were doing. He liked to break into the hay storage, dole out a bale of hay to each of his friends, then stack up a few bales in front of the door so I couldn’t get in just for good measure. He delighted in his mischievousness. It made him so happy to be able to make me laugh.
As much as he liked to make me laugh, his greatest gift was his love. It wasn’t just me that he loved, he loved us all. He was so excited the day Cheyenne was born, he couldn’t contain himself. After several minutes of running the fence line, he had to break through the fence to welcome this new foal into our lives. Abe was there for her as she came into this world. Cheyenne was calling out to him the day he left this world.
He took such good care of my old mare Goldie. She was hard of hearing and her eyesight was failing. When I would call the horses up to eat, he would always run over to her. He would give her a nudge with his nose and motion with his head in my direction.
I would watch Abe with my dog Buddy. Abe would scratch Buddy down his spine with his teeth, just as he would do with another horse. When he was done, Abe would lean his face down to Buddy’s and Buddy would lick him all over his face. Buddy always looked so proud to be accepted as one of the herd. I was so very fortunate to witness the many acts of love, compassion and humor from Abe. But all of this was just scratching the surface of my boy.
Abe had severe health problems. He suffered numerous bouts of laminitis and founder. Initially we tried all the normal treatments without much success. I would lay with him in his stall and read to him. I would snuggle up with him and tell him my secrets, my hopes, my dreams, as well as my fears. In my quest to heal him, I learned about essential oils, herbs and other modalities of natural healing. I was attuned to Reiki which is a form of energy healing. I even traveled to Colorado to be certified in Equine Massage. I also learned natural trimming for his feet. All of these methods had a great deal of success and he would have long periods of soundness, only to have the laminitis return.
Spending so much time taking care of him brought us even closer. I started to become fascinated with the idea of animal communication. As I would sit with him, I was sure I could hear his thoughts. After much searching I found a class being taught nearby so I went.
The Animal Communication seemed to come easy to me. Our conversations started simply enough. One of the first things I asked him was, “What do you think of the horse trailer?”He replied, “I don’t care for it much, but it is worth it to be able to go places, see new things, and meet other horses.”
I was lucky enough to study Psychic Development with Echo Bodine, a very respected psychic from the Twin Cities area. These classes opened up a floodgate for me. My communication with Abe turned from simple requests to a vast knowledge that I couldn’t understand how he could possibly know so much. He had an answer for every question posed to him with an accuracy that was unnerving. I don’t think there has been a week gone by that someone would call and want to know what Abe had to say about this or that.
The changes in our communication were gradual. I suppose he didn’t want to shock me. He went from being my horse, my friend, my confident to being my mentor, my guide and my teacher. Teaching with such empathy, compassion, wisdom, and of course humor. He always reminded me of King Solomon, magical, mysterious, fair and wise.
Towards the beginning of this new communication I was out in the pasture with Abe. He wanted me to put my hand in his mouth. I kept telling him no. I suddenly saw an image in my head. I assumed it was a flash of a past life we had together. I was riding him at a full gallop thru a beautiful woods. I heard a roaring sound behind us. As I turned to look I saw the whole woods was on fire. I heard Abe say, “You used to trust me with your life, now you don’t trust me at all.” I felt horrible, I put my hand in his mouth. He promptly bit me! I said, “Abe that doesn’t bode well in the trust department!” He said, “I could have broken your skin or crushed your bones. I bit you to show you that the lessons I will teach you may be painful at times, but they will never crush or break you.”
The lessons I have learned through the process of losing him have been the hardest to take. His poor legs had given out. He couldn’t stand for very long. As he laid in his stall, I would look into his bright eyes. I would see how hard he tried. On the subject of his death he had no wisdom to impart.
I would lay with him and cry contemplating how do you take the life of your dearest friend? Who am I to say what day he is to die? How will I ever live without him? Who am I without this soul who is so deeply entrenched in mine? So many people told me that we were so strongly connected that I should know I would never be without him. I wasn’t so sure.
Finally as I woke one morning I knew the time had come. I made his appointment. I had a week left with my boy. I realized he was waiting for me to come to peace with it. On the day he left I feared I wouldn’t be able to be as strong for him as he was for me.
Some how I was able to get him out into some tall grass to wait for the vet. It was surreal knowing within the hour I would no longer be able to touch him, see him, look into those big brown soulful eyes. The vet was telling us that we would need to roll him on his side. He took two more bites of grass, rolled on to his side by himself. He looked at me with those beautiful eyes and said, “I am ready.”
As the vet was injecting him I had my lips pressed against his, one last kiss. I stared into his eyes. He kept blinking, then he stopped. I felt this huge energy envelope me in a hug from behind, then he was gone. My dear friend of 18 years.
A beautiful butterfly came flying in and hovered over his body. The butterfly represents transition, how appropriate that it showed up at that moment. As I started my car, a song came on the radio, Black Horse and the Cherry Tree. I sang that song to him all the time.
He came to me the other day to tell me that I was blocking his communication with me by my grief. He was always so patient with me as I stumbled through life. Picking me back up after I stubbornly ignored his advice. I would joke that he was most likely out in the barn banging his forehead against the wall muttering, “My human is sooo stupid!”
I can just see him on the other side looking questioningly at the other souls and guides asking them, “Are your humans this stupid too?”